Subjects: race war and 7 days to quit smoke

T. Morgan wrote:

Dear MW,

I am an eager young man looking to start a good old-fashioned race war. I've got countless troops who are ready and willing to rise up against the White Devil, but I'm a little stumped on how to get this whole thing started. Do I need to set up some kind of international incident? Or is it as simple as hiring a controversial comedian?

Eagerly awaiting the start of the bloodbath,

T. Morgan

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T.,

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat. Race wars are not simple, and they are not fun. They require a lot of hard work and dedication. You can't just start up a race war and leave it in the closet like that guitar I bought you for your birthday last year. You've barely even picked that thing up. If you want to have a race war, you're going to have to prove to me that you're responsible enough to deserve it.

You heard me, young man!

Anyway, I think we both know pretty well the best way to start a race war. It's the same way you go about starting up a religious war: with vaguely offensive cartoons. Just to get you started on your way, I've made up a few examples for you in the most offensive of all image creators, MS Paint.







Those are sure to get people worked up into a lather in no time.

Good luck!

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charynel11 wrote:

you want to quit smoking in just for a couple days? or in just 7 days only? its amazing right? but its true, try our product its a nosmoq product...
you can call me at [SOME NUMBER. -MW]

visit my site and you can directly order in this site:
[SOME WEBSITE. -MW]

mail me at [SOME EMAIL. -MW]

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Hold on here. You're giving me the option to either call some number, go to some website or send you some email so that I can quit smoking? Let me tell you something about smokers here. Never give them a choice. Because if you do, they're just going to get all anxious and light up. You have to be tough with them. Jam that disgusting gum right between their ashy jaws if you have to.

Anyway, I've decided that I wouldn't like to stop smoking in either two or 7 days. I'd actually rather do it immediately, as almost all my hair has already burned away already.

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Got a question for MW? Disappointed in that last joke as I am? Then let me know already in an e-mail or over on the message board.